I spoke with one ambitious leader who said something like: “I know I have to have a hard conversation with him”, 1 week after he said: “I know I have to have a hard conversation with him” talking about an underperformer.

Another leader I spoke to on Thursday said something like: “I’m finding it hard to give feedback and set expectations but I'm really getting frustrated with their lack of execution and underperformance”.

And then a Rep, who had a sales call we were discussing where they felt like “I just wanted to tell them the way they’re thinking about the problem is wrong but I couldn’t. Do I follow-up in an email?”

Then, just to make things weird, my Grandad’s best piece of advice for young humans is to “never go to bed with an argument” with your partner and he was married for 50+ years to his love.

Did your brain connect what my brain linked between those conversations?

All the salespeople who run away from saying something that might upset their prospect or “lose them the sale” or piss off their manager because of their Need for Approval.

All the salespeople who don’t speak with their customers because they’ve been so distracted by new business and now think that their customers might be angry or upset with them. Conflict.

All the salespeople who have their own whispering voice that bubbles up a truth about them living small, or being dishonest or not taking responsibility for fear, shame or confusion.

My Grandad said find the conflict and run at it! Own it, apologise for it and fix it. Do it because you care about the other. Do it to develop the relationship. Do it in the relationship your have with yourself. 

And if it helps, imagine the advice given in a thick Geordie accent.

Here's the interesting thing. If you don't have a problem delivering bad news or dealing with conflict, this post wasn't for you, but Rick and I have compiled 98 other questions you can ask yourself for the cold-shower reality check. Let us know if you want us to write about one of the others.